I know, this is a way too long overdue to write a birthday note to myself. I will write this anyway as a yearly tradition and as a self reflection.

I turned 31 on February 25th. My colleagues asked whether I had a party to celebrate my birthday. I said “no”. They replied “oh how sad!”

As I grow up, I don’t fancy birthday parties anymore. Birthdays, for me, is one of the times to reflect what I have done in the previous year and planning what I will do in the next year.

In the previous year, I have managed to survive my first year as a PhD student. When I started my PhD in the end of 2017, I thought I could not juggle between attending classes and performing my experiments. But I made it! Even my abstract was accepted in a mini-conference and I could present my preliminary results there. It was not a real big international conference, but still I was really delightful.

Surprisingly, I also obtained good grades on the courses that I attended. Me and Physics have been arch enemies ever since I started to learn it in junior high school years. Last semester, I must take a course called “Molecular and Cellular Biophysics”. I was just expecting to pass the exam with a “just ok” score, actually.

Talking about traveling, I visited some cities in Germany with my best traveling buddy, Mbak Wulan. 🙂 This year I expect less traveling, though. My research apparently need more of my attention.

On the other note, I’m growing into an even more independent person. I have no choice. This has been, so far, the longest period for me living abroad. Last year, my bestfriend here moved to Frankfurt following her husband who received an offer from a company there. She was living in Duesseldorf before. Previously, whenever both of us need to talk, we just texted each other and arranged sudden meet-ups. Now we cannot do such activities anymore, sadly. But I learn to be comfortable in my own company.

Yes I’m 31 young now. I have supportive parents (who–most of the times–still over-worried about me being faraway from home). I keep my circle of friend small. And I have a super-understanding boyfriend.

Cheers to even more amazing adventures to come!

Salah satu pelajaran hidup terpenting yang diajarkan oleh orang tua saya adalah bahwa bersyukur itu penting. Kita boleh “melihat ke atas” supaya termotivasi untuk maju. Namun, ada kalanya kita harus “melihat ke bawah” supaya sadar bahwa banyak orang yang bernasib tidak sebaik kita. Selalu melihat ke atas akan membuat kita lelah karena ambisi. Melihat ke bawah akan membuat kita bersyukur akan apa yang kita miliki.

Ketika masih tinggal di Indonesia, hidup saya sangat nyaman. Tetapi entah mengapa saya selalu merasa ada yang kurang. Namun, semenjak tinggal di sini saya selalu bersyukur untuk segala hal-hal kecil yang terjadi di hidup saya. Saya bersyukur bisa baik-baik saja bertahan selama 1.5 tahun tinggal di Jerman, terlepas dari keterbatasan bahasa, perbenturan kultur, serta ruwetnya birokrasi di sini.

Bicara tentang studi dan penelitian saya di sini, tidak selamanya tanpa masalah. Kalau teman-teman melihat beberapa foto dan konten yang saya bagi di media sosial, mungkin kalian akan berpendapat bahwa hidup saya enak sekali di sini. Pada kenyataannya, ada kalanya saya merasa kecewa karena hasil eksperimen tidak sesuai ekspektasi. Namun, kemudian saya bersyukur bahwa saya memiliki pembimbing yang selalu antusias, apapun hasil yang saya peroleh. Mereka yang selalu mengajak saya berdiskusi dan menganalisis hasil eksperimen saya dari berbagi sudut pandang. Kadangkala, mendengarkan cerita orang lain pun dapat membuat saya lebih mensyukuri keadaan saya.

Hal ini yang membuat saya ingin menulis sesuatu tentang betapa pentingnya bersyukur karena tanpa kita sadari, ketika satu pintu kesempatan tertutup untuk kita, Tuhan ternyata membawa kita masuk melalui pintu lain untuk menemukan kesempatan lain yang ternyata lebih baik untuk kita. Bahkan dalam kasus saya, Tuhan menyelamatkan saya dari sesuatu yang “buruk”

Mungkin saya belum pernah membagi cerita ini di blog. Bertahun-tahun lalu, mungkin sekitar tahun 2013 atau 2014 ketika saya sedang gencar-gencarnya mengirimkan aplikasi untuk S3, saya pernah menghubungi seorang profesor di Essen. Pada saat itu, beliau tidak memiliki posisi untuk mahasiswa S3 baru dan beliau berkata akan menghubungi saya apabila ada posisi yang tersedia. Namun, saya tidak pernah mendengar lagi kabar dari beliau. Hingga dua tahun kemudian, saya mendapat tawaran untuk S3 di Essen, di grup penelitian yang berbeda. Haha..mungkin memang saya berjodoh dengan kota ini sebenarnya. Kemarin saya berkenalan dengan seseorang yang baru memulai penelitian S3-nya di bawah bimbingan profesor yang dulu pernah saya hubungi itu. Dia bercerita bahwa dia harus bekerja tanpa henti di lab setiap hari, bahkan dI akhir pekan. Ternyata profesor itu sangat ambisius. Saya benar-benar tidak bisa berkata-kata ketika dia menceritakan hal itu.

Saya bisa saja berada di posisi teman saya itu. Saya bersyukur karena dulu profesor itu tidak menghubungi saya lagi. Sekarang saya memiliki pembimbing yang sangat baik, memastikan bahwa saya tidak berada di lab ketika weekend atau hari libur (kecuali ketika situasinya tidak memungkinkan, itu pun saya harus secepatnya menyelesaikan eksperimen saya). Profesor saya bahkan pernah berkata bahwa saya tidak memiliki jam kerja, karena saya student bukan karyawan. Saya bisa datang dan pergi jam berapapun. Yang terpenting bukan berapa lama saya stay di lab, tapi berapa banyak progress yang saya buat. Sebenarnya tidak ada alasan untuk saya tidak bersyukur.

Di luar lingkup akademik, saya pun memiliki kehidupan personal. Kadang saya berpikir, kenapa ya saya masih single di kala teman-teman seusia saya, terutama sesama orang Indonesia, bahkan sudah membangun keluarga? Sempat terpikir mungkin ada yang aneh dengan kepribadian saya hingga membuat saya sulit untuk menemukan seseorang yang cocok. Memang saya sempat agak menutup diri selama beberapa bulan, karena tidak mau kecewa lagi. Saya sempat bertekad tidak mau dekat dengan pria Jerman, karena asumsi-asumsi yang saya buat sendiri. Ketika saya memutuskan untuk mulai membuka diri, ketemunya malah sama orang Jerman. Beberapa waktu berinteraksi, menurut dia saya memilki kepribadian yang cukup menarik. Oke, berarti tidak ada masalah dengan saya. Ini hanya perkara belum bertemu dengan yang pas saja. 🙂

Oh iya dengan orang Jerman itu, juga saya putuskan untuk dilanjutkan dengan pertemanan saja. Peristiwa ini juga yang membuat saya bersyukur, karena terhindar dari patah hati yang mungkin akan terjadi apabila saya memutuskan untuk, misalkan, berpacaran sama dia. Tentu ada kalanya saya berpikir tentang segala hal yang bisa terjadi apabila saya tidak memutuskan untuk berteman saja dengan dia. Ya..andaikan kami dipertemukan beberapa tahun lalu, bukan sekarang, mungkin saya bisa ikut andil untuk mengubah masa lalu dia. Mungkin inilah definisi nyata dari “meeting the right person at the wrong time“.  Bisa jadi semuanya akan baik-baik saja. Mungkin saya yang overthinking. Tapi saya rasa saya juga berhak melindungi diri sendiri. Ketika logika dan perasaan dibenturkan, memang berat, Namun, saya harus ingat tujuan awal saya ke sini adalah untuk belajar. Kalau bonus dapat jodoh, ya bagus tapi itu bukan hal yang harus diprioritaskan setidaknya hingga 3 tahun ke depan. Saya bersyukur, saya belum terjerumus lebih dalam di relationship ini. Bersyukur juga karena sekarang dapat satu lagi teman orang Jerman, sehingga bisa sekalian melancarkan bahasa Jerman saya. Haha.

Intinya, kita harus belajar bersyukur untuk hal-hal kecil. Hidup ini akan selalu penuh masalah. Jadikan masalah itu sebagai tantangan, bukan penghalang. Dengan selalu bersyukur, kita akan merasa bahwa hidup ini akan selalu baik-baik saja. Kalau kalian percaya bahwa Tuhan itu ada, untuk banyak hal Dia akan bekerja dan Dia yang paling tahu seberapa kuat dirimu. Jadi tenang saja. 🙂

Selamat berakhir pekan, teman-teman!

Salam dari Essen yang mendung

10 November 2018

learning to not envy someone else’s blessings is what grace looks like

-Rupi Kaur

Pernah gak kamu merasa iri? Perasaan iri itu sangat manusiawi. Tapi menjadi tidak manusiawi, ketika rasa iri itu berkembang jadi apa yang kita sebut nyinyir.

Saya beberapa kali menjadi korban kenyinyiran orang-orang yang tak bertanggung jawab. Sedihnya hampir semua yang berbuat demikian adalah teman-teman sebangsa setanah air. Semenjak saya tinggal di Jerman, walau sempat mengalami culture shock, tapi saya akui hidup saya lebih tenang. Lebih tenang dari hantaman orang-orang yang iri dengan kehidupan saya. Haha. Orang Jerman tidak suka mencampuri kehidupan orang lain. Kalau orang Indonesia kan terkenal ramah dan memiliki budaya saling membantu, ya. Walau seringkali berlebihan.

Sejak saya kecil, orang tua saya sering mengajak saya dan adik-adik berlibur. Seringnya memang ke luar negeri. Bukan karena orang tua saya berlimpah harta, tapi saya tahu mereka menabung demi bisa mengajak kami berlibur ke luar negeri. Tujuannya supaya wawasan kami terbuka dan kami tidak menjadi manusia yang berpemikiran sempit. Suatu hal yang memang benar kini saya rasakan. Tapi apa komentar orang-orang di luar sana kala itu? “Ella mah anaknya orang kaya. Liburan harus ke luar negeri. Gak level liburan di Indonesia”

Kedua, ketika saya kuliah di Inggris dengan beasiswa yang hanya parsial. Lagi-lagi mereka bilang kalau saya anak orang kaya. Jadi, gampang saja kalau mau kuliah di luar negeri. Yang mereka tidak tahu adalah bagaimana perjuangan saya untuk bisa lulus dengan nilai yang baik.

Ketiga, ketika saya akhirnya mendapat pekerjaan yang cukup baik. Beberapa orang bilang bahwa saya bisa diterima di tempat itu karena ada koneksi dengan orang dalam. Yang sebenarnya terjadi adalah saya melewati semua tahapan sebelum saya diterima di tempat tersebut, dan sama sekali tidak ada orang dalam.

Iri dengan keberhasilan orang lain, tanpa berusaha memperbaiki kehidupanmu, tidak akan membuat kamu menjadi lebih baik. Di saat yang sama, orang yang menjadi objek “kebencianmu” itu sudah jauh melesat melewatimu.

Kadangkala kamu hanya mengenal sebagian dari pribadi seseorang, tetapi kamu sudah merasa berhak untuk menghakimi kehidupannya. Kamu tidak pernah tahu sekeras apa dia berusaha untuk bisa sampai pada kondisinya yang seperti sekarang.

Dan untuk kalian yang sering dijadikan objek “kebencian” (alias suka dinyinyirin), berbanggalah. Hidup kalian ternyata begitu menariknya bagi orang-orang itu.

Intinya, kalau kamu ingin seperti seseorang, kamu harus berusaha supaya bisa menjadi seperti orang itu. Bukan hanya berpangku tangan dan mengarang asumsimu sendiri.

Pernah gak saya iri? Sering. Tapi, rasa “iri” yang kadang timbul itu selalu saya jadikan sumber motivasi untuk menjadi pribadi yang jauh lebih baik daripada sebelumnya.

Loving life is easy when you are abroad. Where no one knows you and you hold your life in your hands all alone. You are more master of yourself than at any other time.

-Hannah Arendt

I have recently talked to a friend on when exactly the best time for people to leave their homeland and go abroad. I told her, the age of 22 years old should be the best time for a person to go and live abroad. In my home country, Indonesia, most of the people graduate from college at 22 years old. But then, I felt so selfish because probably that age can only be applied to me.

My best friend in junior high school packed her bag and go to UK at the age of 15 years old, right after her junior high school graduation. She did not know anyone in UK back then. Now, 15 years later, she survives. She has a good job in London. I met her last time in 2016 and she seems really happy with her life. My cousin left Indonesia and moved to Germany at the age of 18 years old. She struggled a lot during her first years in Germany, but yet she also survives. Once she told me that surprisingly she is happier here.

I was 23 years old and had a perfectly happy life with my family and friends in Indonesia, when I decided to go to UK to pursue my Master’s degree. That was the first time I lived far away from my family. It was indeed hard at the beginning.

My first day in Newcastle, UK back then in 2011. In front of my faculty.

Living abroad is always about starting another new phase of your life.

Here are  five traits of people who are ready to start a new life phase in a foreign country :

• Independent

Any other places where your mom is not there, is not home. That was my thought long years ago. Being in a new place, where you cannot find familiar faces, you do not have any other choices except to be an independent person. It takes time to really become an independent person. Living abroad is one of the trainings to become it. You must only depend on yourself because, believe me, your friends there are also struggling to be independent.

• Good financial management

No matter where the sources of your money come from, you must manage it carefully and wisely. Otherwise, you will end up broke in the middle of the month. Sometimes it is hard for me to answer when people ask how much money students spent averagely in one month. It really depends on your lifestyle. There are so many ways to spend your money on unimportant stuffs here. You can go to the bar every day, drinking glasses of beer. But, of course, that is not the wise option.

I made a rule for myself to only spend more than 20 Euros on weekends. During weekdays, I eat in Mensa (students’ canteen) which cost maximum 3 Euros for a proper lunch or cook at home. Usually I still have some money left in my account at the end of the month. Therefore, I can plan a trip for the following month. When I travel to a new place, I spend most of my money on foods. I have a special budget when traveling and so I never think twice on spending money when I travel as long as it is still within my travel budget.

• Good time-management

This is the most important trait. I meet some people who are younger than me here. In my opinion, they have similar problems. They cannot manage their time properly.  First of all, you must always remember your initial purpose. Nothing should not distract you on doing your purpose. Remember, you are investing your time. You must end up being something after spending certain years abroad.

It is not easy to have a good time management. You cannot start it once you arrive in a foreign country. This is a trait that you should have grown inside yourself.

• Open minded

Ask yourself. Can you accept a culture that is totally different compared to your own culture? Most European countries are liberal countries. All of the people, no matter his/her sexual preferences, have equal opportunities here. People have freedom to express their feeling publicly. You can see people kissing in public. And that is normal. A man and a woman can live together without any marriage status.

Can you accept that?

I am sure you will survive living abroad when you are open minded yet have a strong life principle. If you still cannot accept other people who have different opinions, then it is better for you just to stay in your homeland.

• Hard working

Living abroad is actually not as interesting as those pictures that you see on my social media. Every single day is about an endless hardworking. There is no chance for lazy people to survive.

In the end, it is not about the age. It is about having those traits that I mentioned above inside of you. You can be 15, 18, 25 years old. When you think you are ready, just pack your bag and go!

There is always a first time for everything. My first time presenting my research result, in front of non-Indonesian audiences.

When I was a teenager, I imagined by the age of 30 years old I must have become a successful person, having a steady job, and married to someone. Back then, I neither had any idea that someday I will become a scientist nor having idea about someone who will possibly become my future life partner. Well, for the last one, to be honest, I still do not have any idea up until this moment.

Today I am turning 30. I know that I have been so far away from my teenage days. However, I am sure the teenage version of me is proud of this 30 years old version of me. For those people who only know me from the outside, they might think that I have a flawless life journey. They’re wrong, of course. I have gone through some obstacles in my personal life before I am –sort of- reaching my dream.

Probably some of the people out there who talk about me behind my back (well, thank you anyway) never know that it took me 5 years dealing with more than 20 application rejections before I was finally accepted as a PhD student in Germany. I could have given up my dream, but I chose not to give up.

Having been living on earth for this long also teach me about the value of friendship. I learn that friendship is not about quantity, but it is about quality. It is not important if you have known people for years or just for months. If you guys can get along, then you have to keep the friendship. I also think that the label “best friend” is too exaggerating. When your “best friend” betrays you, the feeling is worse compared to anything. So starting from last year, even when I feel comfortable being with some people, I will just call them my “good friends”.

Talking about relationship, I have learned abundant of valuable lessons. I have experienced an unrequited love. It did hurt so bad. Believe me. I also had been close with someone for some times, without any status. And last time, I had been in a relationship with the wrong person. Yes, I have failed so far in this kind of thing. But, what I learn is that we –women-must have a self- worth. We must not lower down our standards just to allow men fit in our lives. Furthermore, I also learn that in order for a relationship to work, it needs mutual effort. When the effort is only one-sided, it will never work. Anyway, big appreciation for those guys who had been brave enough coming to my life and finding it difficult to deal with me. From them, I have learned about different personalities of men and, surprisingly, I also have learned about myself.

My twenties had been the most wonderful decade in my life so far. I completed my Bachelor and Master studies and started my PhD (yes..yes..this is going to be the last degree I pursue!). I got chances to live and study abroad. I got my first job. I earned my first salary. I learned 2 foreign languages and finally can speak those languages. I travelled to many new places. Basically, I have reached like more than half of my dreams. I reached some milestones in my twenties, as well as experienced some of my “first-times”. I failed and also got up many times. I am beyond thankful!

Now that I reach my thirty, of course I hope that I can be a better person. This is my wish every year. I will still be a person who is full of flaws. But I hope I can do more good deeds in the years to come. I hope I can finish my PhD and find a good job that can fund my life in the future. Though most Indonesians think that a woman doesn’t need to be really concern to find a well-paid job as once they get married it is the husbands’ responsibility to take care of them, in my opinion, women should be financially independent no matter what. (sorry, mom. In this case we have different perspective) And I hope I will soon meet my Mr. Right (because Mr. Perfect only exists in Fiction books).

Here is to the amazing years to come!

It’s been a few years I didn’t made any resolutions to starting -off new years. It doesn’t mean that I don’t have targets to be reached. In fact, I become more productive without being burdened by resolutions and thus I achieve more.

2017 has been awesome. I believe 2018 will be much more awesome and exciting. The major part of my life will indeed be fulfilled with academic-related stuffs. More experiments are coming. Data collection and analysis are waiting. Apart from that, I am still required to attend some courses and write the exams. Life will be busy but I know I will enjoy it, as I learn something new every day.

This year, until at least the next two years, I am still living far away from home. It needs a little bit of sacrifice to reach your goals, right? Life is tough! Again, I am enjoying every second I spend living here, because this foreign country is now my home. Last year I experienced a little bit of culture shock with the Germans. But now I can already accept it. Just like what I have learned during the Intercultural Training organized by DAAD last time, we can ask about other people’s cultures but we can never question their cultures.

Even though this is my second time living abroad, but I feel that now I don’t have any options other than to be more independent and stronger. Independent and strong are two qualities that must be owned by everyone who decide to leave their homes to pursue their dreams abroad. Otherwise, you will not survive. When I face troubles, I can only depend on myself to solve them. But I take this as a process for me to become a real adult. And for me, this is the only way for me to grow up. If last year I didn’t make a big decision to pursue a doctoral degree in Germany, I would forever stay in my nest back there in Jakarta. Adulting is indeed a long and challenging process. This year of 2018 is the time for me to act like an adult. No more whining around (yes, that’s my weakness!) because whining will not solve any problems.

At the end of last year I decided to open up my heart and said “yes” to  a relationship. A long distance one. I know this is a little bit non-sense, but just let’s see if this can work. Honestly, as I get older, it doesn’t really matter anymore to me when all of my friends are already getting married and I am being the one who is still single in the gang. It’s better to wait until I find someone whom I can trust the rest of my life rather than rushing myself. Cause I am not looking for a boyfriend anymore. Boyfriends are for teenagers. I am looking for a life partner, instead.

In this year I hope I can travel to places I have never been before. Hopefully I have enough time and enough money.

And last but not least, this year I will try to be happier, I will share more smiles, I will serve God more, and I will pray more.