Loving life is easy when you are abroad. Where no one knows you and you hold your life in your hands all alone. You are more master of yourself than at any other time.

-Hannah Arendt

I have recently talked to a friend on when exactly the best time for people to leave their homeland and go abroad. I told her, the age of 22 years old should be the best time for a person to go and live abroad. In my home country, Indonesia, most of the people graduate from college at 22 years old. But then, I felt so selfish because probably that age can only be applied to me.

My best friend in junior high school packed her bag and go to UK at the age of 15 years old, right after her junior high school graduation. She did not know anyone in UK back then. Now, 15 years later, she survives. She has a good job in London. I met her last time in 2016 and she seems really happy with her life. My cousin left Indonesia and moved to Germany at the age of 18 years old. She struggled a lot during her first years in Germany, but yet she also survives. Once she told me that surprisingly she is happier here.

I was 23 years old and had a perfectly happy life with my family and friends in Indonesia, when I decided to go to UK to pursue my Master’s degree. That was the first time I lived far away from my family. It was indeed hard at the beginning.

Living abroad is always about starting another new phase of your life.

Here are  five traits of people who are ready to start a new life phase in a foreign country :

• Independent

Any other places where your mom is not there, is not home. That was my thought long years ago. Being in a new place, where you cannot find familiar faces, you do not have any other choices except to be an independent person. It takes time to really become an independent person. Living abroad is one of the trainings to become it. You must only depend on yourself because, believe me, your friends there are also struggling to be independent.

• Good financial management

No matter where the sources of your money come from, you must manage it carefully and wisely. Otherwise, you will end up broke in the middle of the month. Sometimes it is hard for me to answer when people ask how much money students spent averagely in one month. It really depends on your lifestyle. There are so many ways to spend your money on unimportant stuffs here. You can go to the bar every day, drinking glasses of beer. But, of course, that is not the wise option.

I made a rule for myself to only spend more than 20 Euros on weekends. During weekdays, I eat in Mensa (students’ canteen) which cost maximum 3 Euros for a proper lunch or cook at home. Usually I still have some money left in my account at the end of the month. Therefore, I can plan a trip for the following month. When I travel to a new place, I spend most of my money on foods. I have a special budget when traveling and so I never think twice on spending money when I travel as long as it is still within my travel budget.

• Good time-management

This is the most important trait. I meet some people who are younger than me here. In my opinion, they have similar problems. They cannot manage their time properly.  First of all, you must always remember your initial purpose. Nothing should not distract you on doing your purpose. Remember, you are investing your time. You must end up being something after spending certain years abroad.

It is not easy to have a good time management. You cannot start it once you arrive in a foreign country. This is a trait that you should have grown inside yourself.

• Open minded

Ask yourself. Can you accept a culture that is totally different compared to your own culture? Most European countries are liberal countries. All of the people, no matter his/her sexual preferences, have equal opportunities here. People have freedom to express their feeling publicly. You can see people kissing in public. And that is normal. A man and a woman can live together without any marriage status.

Can you accept that?

I am sure you will survive living abroad when you are open minded yet have a strong life principle. If you still cannot accept other people who have different opinions, then it is better for you just to stay in your homeland.

• Hard working

Living abroad is actually not as interesting as those pictures that you see on my social media. Every single day is about an endless hardworking. There is no chance for lazy people to survive.

In the end, it is not about the age. It is about having those traits that I mentioned above inside of you. You can be 15, 18, 25 years old. When you think you are ready, just pack your bag and go!

When I was a teenager, I imagined by the age of 30 years old I must have become a successful person, having a steady job, and married to someone. Back then, I neither had any idea that someday I will become a scientist nor having idea about someone who will possibly become my future life partner. Well, for the last one, to be honest, I still do not have any idea up until this moment.

Today I am turning 30. I know that I have been so far away from my teenage days. However, I am sure the teenage version of me is proud of this 30 years old version of me. For those people who only know me from the outside, they might think that I have a flawless life journey. They’re wrong, of course. I have gone through some obstacles in my personal life before I am –sort of- reaching my dream.

Probably some of the people out there who talk about me behind my back (well, thank you anyway) never know that it took me 5 years dealing with more than 20 application rejections before I was finally accepted as a PhD student in Germany. I could have given up my dream, but I chose not to give up.

Having been living on earth for this long also teach me about the value of friendship. I learn that friendship is not about quantity, but it is about quality. It is not important if you have known people for years or just for months. If you guys can get along, then you have to keep the friendship. I also think that the label “best friend” is too exaggerating. When your “best friend” betrays you, the feeling is worse compared to anything. So starting from last year, even when I feel comfortable being with some people, I will just call them my “good friends”.

Talking about relationship, I have learned abundant of valuable lessons. I have experienced an unrequited love. It did hurt so bad. Believe me. I also had been close with someone for some times, without any status. And last time, I had been in a relationship with the wrong person. Yes, I have failed so far in this kind of thing. But, what I learn is that we –women-must have a self- worth. We must not lower down our standards just to allow men fit in our lives. Furthermore, I also learn that in order for a relationship to work, it needs mutual effort. When the effort is only one-sided, it will never work. Anyway, big appreciation for those guys who had been brave enough coming to my life and finding it difficult to deal with me. From them, I have learned about different personalities of men and, surprisingly, I also have learned about myself.

My twenties had been the most wonderful decade in my life so far. I completed my Bachelor and Master studies and started my PhD (yes..yes..this is going to be the last degree I pursue!). I got chances to live and study abroad. I got my first job. I earned my first salary. I learned 2 foreign languages and finally can speak those languages. I travelled to many new places. Basically, I have reached like more than half of my dreams. I reached some milestones in my twenties, as well as experienced some of my “first-times”. I failed and also got up many times. I am beyond thankful!

Now that I reach my thirty, of course I hope that I can be a better person. This is my wish every year. I will still be a person who is full of flaws. But I hope I can do more good deeds in the years to come. I hope I can finish my PhD and find a good job that can fund my life in the future. Though most Indonesians think that a woman doesn’t need to be really concern to find a well-paid job as once they get married it is the husbands’ responsibility to take care of them, in my opinion, women should be financially independent no matter what. (sorry, mom. In this case we have different perspective) And I hope I will soon meet my Mr. Right (because Mr. Perfect only exists in Fiction books).

Here is to the amazing years to come!

 

Pernah dengar lagu yang judulnya “Jatuh Cinta Itu Biasa Saja” yang dinyanyikan oleh grup band Efek Rumah Kaca beberapa tahun yang lalu?

Kita berdua tak pernah ucapkan maaf, tapi saling mengerti

Kita berdua tak hanya menjalani cinta, tapi menghidupi

Ketika rindu menggebu-gebu, kita menunggu

Jatuh cinta itu biasa saja

Liriknya sederhana, tetapi dalem. Suatu hubungan memang seharusnya seperti lirik lagu di atas, kalau mau berjalan dengan baik. Tidak perlu drama. Saya baru saja putus dengan seseorang. Kami pacaran hanya seumur jagung, tetapi diawali dengan proses pendekatan yang cukup panjang. Sekitar 1 tahun. Kenapa putus? Tidak cocok. Namun, alasan “tidak cocok” itu hanyalah sesuatu yang ada di puncak gunung es. Di bawahnya banyak sekali alasan, yang membuat saya berpikir bahwa kalau hubungan ini diteruskan, pasti akan semakin sakit untuk kami berdua.

Dia terlalu percaya dengan saya. Pasti kalian berpendapat : “Bagus dong! Jarang ada cowok yang gak posesif sama ceweknya”. Saya ingin ada seseorang yang menanyakan kabar saya dan antusias dengan kegiatan saya. Dia tidak bisa memberikan itu.

Dia tidak bisa dibantah. Banyak yang berpendapat bahwa dalam suatu hubungan, perbedaan itu indah. Tapi kalau terlalu banyak perbedaan, bisa berakhir perang. Sifat kami bertolak belakang dan kami memiliki pola pikir yang sangat berbeda. Saya sudah menyadarinya sejak pertama kali berkenalan dengan dia. Salah saya, kenapa juga mau jadian sama dia. But, anyway, shouldn’t we learn from our mistakes? Dia tipe pria yang sangat dominan. Saya pun begitu. Memang terkadang dia mengalah, tapi saya sadar bahwa dia “terpaksa” mengalah supaya situasi seakan baik-baik saja di antara kami.

Satu lagi, dia tidak (belum) bisa berkomitmen. At least berkomitmen dengan saya pada saat ini. Sedangkan, seperti yang kalian ketahui, saat ini saya tinggal di Jerman dan si beliau ini di Indonesia. Apa jadinya sebuah long distance relationship tanpa dilandasi oleh komitmen yang kuat? Bubar.

Untuk si ex, ketika saya bilang thanks for everything, itu benar-benar dari lubuk hati terdalam dan bukan basa basi. Saya belajar banyak dari proses yang sudah kita jalani ini. Mungkin saya memang terlalu keras kepala buat kamu. Semoga kamu dipertemukan dengan seseorang yang bisa membuatmu bahagia ya! Satu hal, saya tidak pernah merasa menyesal dipertemukan dengan kamu karena saya percaya Tuhan sudah merencanakan kita untuk bertemu supaya kita bisa saling belajar untuk menjadi lebih baik lagi ke depannya. 🙂

Boleh ada yang namanya mantan pacar, tapi tidak ada istilah mantan teman. Kita berawal dari teman, dan semoga akan berakhir menjadi teman lagi. Tidak ada blok-blokan media sosial. Well, karena kita bukan lagi ABG labil. Haha.

Kalau saya bilang, saya baik-baik saja setelah putus, sepertinya hati saya terbuat dari batu ya. Tentu saja saya sedih ketika mengingat segala hal baik yang pernah terjadi. Tapi hidup harus berlanjut. Masih banyak mimpi yang harus dikejar. Mudah-mudahan akan ada seseorang lagi yang datang di waktu yang tepat.

It’s not a failure. It’s another lesson learned.