I spent my Saturday night yesterday with my family, as usual. We straightly went home after we had dinner at a mall nearby. While waiting for our driver, I saw a young dad scolding his (around) 4 years old daughter. Well, I didn’t mean listening to their conversation, but the dad’s voice were so loud, that I couldn’t help to eavesdropping. He said a sentence , like “you such a coward”. Omg! That’s not an appropriate words parents use to discipline their kids. Honestly, I was sad looking at that scene. Really. But what could I do? At that particular moment? Nothing.
I’m just wondering, does that style of parenting still exist these days? It was the parenting style in my great great great grandparents era, I thought. But what I saw yesterday gave me enough evidence that there are still a lot of parents who apply a “dictator” style of parenting, these days in Jakarta (especially).
I believe that, as they grow up, your kids will learn from you. If you have bad parenting style, don’t expect that your kid will grow up being good people. Okay, they might grow up into good people, but you gotta expect that your kids will have at least similar personalities as yours. If you had a rough childhood and you don’t want your kid to have the same experience, don’t treat your kids the same as what your parents did to you!
I know that being parents is one of the hardest things to do, because the duty is to shape a human being’s personality. That’s hard, indeed. Spoiling your kids too much is not right, neither is showing your superiority towards your kids. The best way is just to act normal to your kids. Don’t try to make your kids respect you. They will naturally give some respects to you without you need to ask for, if they feel comfortable with you.
Give them some rewards occasionally, when you’re satisfied with them. And when they make mistakes, let them learn from those mistakes. Tell them with simple words, that what they did was wrong. Don’t scold them. Words such as : “coward, stupid, dumb” will traumatize children. Those kids will grow up into people who have low self-esteem. They will grow up as those people who prefer seeking comfort anywhere rather than at home, because they think that their parents will never give comforts to them.
My advice to the newlyweds : if you and your partners feel that both of you, are not mature enough and still emotionally unstable, don’t have kids! You can have kids just when you’re ready. Deciding to have a kid is not a gambling, guys! It’s a matter of bringing and raising a new human being to this world. It’s better for you to postpone having a kid, rather than being a parent who cannot control his/her emotions towards that kid.
Many Indonesian couples who are recently got married, feel that they must have kids as soon as possible. Why? Social pressure! Yup, that social pressure still exists here in my culture.
I’m not a parent. But someday (in 5 to 10 years from now, probably) I will get married and be a parent. So, this post is a kind of warning for myself, as well. And since some of my school- friends have become parents right now, I think this is important.
Couple of words to close this post :
- Remember! Don’t scold your kids! Or worse, don’t scold your kids in public spaces! It really brings major humiliation for them. Don’t be surprise that their self-esteem will be degraded into the lowest point.
- Every kids born innocent. So, if your kids grow up having bad personality, it’s your fault as parents!
- Get married and have kids, just when you’re READY. NOT WHEN YOUR EXTENDED FAMILY ASK YOU TO GET MARRIED AND HAVE KIDS (this sentence refers to most Indonesian couples). It’s YOUR life, NOT THEIR life.